The File of Wisdom
by Aussie Army No.1
Summary: Mac has a strange encounter with a file, which claims it knows her destiny. Please R & R. H/M
1. Default Chapter

Standard Disclaimer  
  
Rating: PG, just to be really, really, pathetically overratedly (is that a word? Probably not.) safe.  
  
A/N: I don't normally write stories about talking objects, so forgive me if it gets a little too boring. What can I say? I'm a freak.just like the rest of this generation. Also, someone give channel 7 a kick up the butt for me, I really want to see series 8 NOW!!!  
  
A/N 2: I should be doing my homework right now, (a project, which I haven't done ANY of, and is also due tomorrow ( ) but like the rest of the world, I can't be bothered..hmmm.  
Mac sat at her desk, wondering whether the files on her desk would notice if she walked away without finishing her paperwork. Sometimes being a lawyer was just plain boring. Finally she decided that they wouldn't notice, and got up.  
  
"Hey!" A high squeaky voice attempted to yell at her.  
  
She spun around and looked at her desk, where she could have sworn a voice came from. Unfortunately, she was right, it did come from there. She slowly closed her eyes, and opened them again. It was still there.  
  
A small paper file was standing on top of her desk staring at her, while clearing it's throat.  
  
Mac blinked again. "What the."  
  
"I, am the File of Wisdom," it said, rather regally.  
  
She looked at it strangely. "No you're not. You're the Lieutenant Browning murder file!"  
  
It glared at her. "I am not! Now, as I was saying, I am the File of Wisdom. I am here to advise you on how pathetically blind you are, and what you should do to fix it."  
  
"But, I'm not blind!"  
  
It shook its head. (A/N: Oh god.how can a file shake it's head.it doesn't have one! So.let's pretend that it can somehow dismantle itself and shake the top part of it.) "You say that you are not blind? We'll see about that. You just told me that I am the Lieutenant Browning murder file, when as I have told you, I am the File of Wisdom." It turned around to show her the words printed on it.  
  
Mac went to sit down slowly, and in the process of doing so, discovered that there was no chair behind her, and damaged her rear end.  
  
"Ow!"  
  
"See," the File of Wisdom said ruefully, "You are blind."  
  
"Am not! I just.forgot.that I wasn't at my desk, which probably has something to do with me hallucinating about one of my FILES talking to me!"  
  
"You are not hallucinating, it is all in your mind."  
  
"It's the same thing you idiot! Hallucinations originate from your mind! (A/N: They do.don't they? I wonder if that's why I've been seeing those bouncing candles around my room lately?) Now who here is stupid?"  
  
"I am not stupid! That knowledge is simply not mentioned in my job description, so I don't have it!"  
  
"Then don't pretend that you do, it just makes you look even more idiotic." Mac sighed. Talking files could be so annoying, especially when they thought they were wise. "Let's get back on track, so I don't have to listen to a figment of my imagination for too much longer."  
  
It squealed loudly. "I am not-"  
  
"I said BACK ON TRACK!"  
  
"Fine." It said huffily.  
  
"You completely blind! You have everything you could possibly want right in front of you, and yet you fail to see it. Now, unless you get your silly marine head out of your backside, you're never going to get that everything.  
  
"Most people that I talk to ignore my advice, and their lives don't turn out as well as they could have been. So I am begging you, get your eyesight fixed, and then take a look around you. You could be surprised by what suddenly looks good to you."  
  
Mac thought about what it was saying. "So, you're telling me to get my eyesight checked and take a look around me?"  
  
It looked happy, thinking that she finally understood what it was saying. "Yes!"  
  
"But I had my medical last month, and they said that my eyesight was fine!"  
  
"You STUPID IDIOT! It's a metaphor! Well, sort of. When translated, it means; Go after that hot sailor that works with you, everyone knows that you're perfect for each other!"  
  
"Oh. So I need to ask Sturgis out? But he's with Bobbie." Mac smiled. This file was so fun to annoy. She knew what it was talking about. Sometimes she loved her imagination.  
  
"NO!!! YOU-NEED-TO-ASK-OUT-HARM!!! IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? I SAID IT IN WORDS OF ONE SYLLABLE, DO I NEED TO SPELL IT OUT TOO?" This time it was really mad.  
  
"Okay, okay. I knew what you were talking about, It's just funny too see you angry." Mac grinned cheekily.  
  
The File of Wisdom gave up. Humans were so strange sometimes. Attempting to regain some of its pride, it said "Now that you have been given your advice, you are required to carry it out. There is, however, a three-year warranty in case things don't work out."  
  
Mac looked slightly worried "Are you suggesting tha-"  
  
"No, I said: 'just in case'. It is very, very rare that I am wrong. In fact," It started to boast, "I am never wrong."  
  
"Whatever. Listen, next time you come, remember to leave your inflated ego behind."  
  
The file looked deeply hurt, and while she was looking down at her nails, returned to it's normal 'murder file' state.  
  
* * *  
  
Mac opened her eyes, and was surprised to find herself sprawled on the floor of her office with half of JAG standing around her.  
  
"Mac! Are you okay?" Harm knelt down next to her with a worried expression.  
  
She tried to sit up, but he immediately stopped her.  
  
"What happened?" She asked confused.  
  
Harriet answered her. "You had just gotten up for a break, after working on a case, and you collapsed."  
  
"We were worried," Harm said softly.  
  
She looked at him, then at Harriet. "Harriet, what file was I working on? I can't remember."  
  
"Uh.the Lieutenant Browning murder."  
  
*Fin*  
  
A/N: If I get enough reviews, I might write a sequel, where the File of Wisdom visits Harm, and has a little chat with him. But ONLY if I get reviews! 


	2. Harm's encounter

Disclaimer: Although I did try to buy it off them once (with a dollar mind you, and don't laugh! I am just a poor (literally) little schoolgirl), I did not succeed, and Paramount (etc.), as cruel as it is, still own JAG. * sob *  
  
Rating: Do I have to make it PG, it isn't that bad, I mean, I didn't mean to kill them all...or make it so violent...it just happened! (Translation: I'm looking for an excuse to be and idiot and an attention-seeker, please humour me) No really, there is just a tiny bit of language, which probably doesn't even count.  
  
A/N: Remind me to publish and American to Australian Dictionary one day will you? It would be interesting to see what it turns out like! Anyway, I'd better actually write this. Okay. I'm on it. Starting right now. Which is exactly why I'm writing all this rubbish to put it off. Anyway, I really am going to this time. * Stretches out arms and the knuckles crack * * Winces *  
  
Harm walked into the Admiral's office, intending to discuss one of his newer cases with him, but instead found him gone.  
  
He poked his head outside and called to Tiner. "Petty Officer, I thought you said that the Admiral could see me!"  
  
Tiner looked confused. "He can, Sir."  
  
"Then where the hell is he?"  
  
The younger man reluctantly left his seat to look inside his CO's office. "Right there, Commander," He said pointing to the empty leather chair.  
  
Harm looked at the chair, then at Tiner. "Uh, if you say so."  
  
"I do, Sir," and with that he left a very confused Commander, and got back to work...also known as surfing the Internet for pictures of hot women.  
  
Harm looked at the desk for a minute, and then decided he might as well play along with Tiner's game, whatever it was, and snapped to attention. To his immense surprise, someone said to him, "At ease" but it wasn't the Admiral, it was the chair talking to him!  
  
"Uh.Admiral?" Harm asked with a strange look on his face.  
  
"No! I, am the Chair of Wisdom. AKA: the File of Wisdom, the Toothbrush of Wisdom, the Encyclopedia of Wisdom and, the Calender of Wisdom."  
  
"Right...and to what do I owe this pleasure? Could it be that I have once again hit my head and am hallucinating?" Harm said sceptically, recalling an incident from years ago, where he kept seeing Mac in...well...different clothing. And then there was more recently, when he saw every female in the office pregnant! He really did have a strange imagination!  
  
The chair looked a bit confused but corrected him quickly, "No Commander, you are, as usual, completely sane and you have not damaged your head any more than it normally is."  
  
Harm gave it a dirty look. Why couldn't people just leave him alone?  
  
The chair continued it's small speech, "As usual, I am the one stuck in the middle of everyone's stupid, complicated lives, and it is my job to give them all a good kick up the ass and get them to see what is right in front of them.  
  
"Unfortunately, you and your lovely partner are one of my harder cases, you seem to be determined to ignore what everyone else knows, and what your hearts are screaming. I am here today to force you to act on your feelings."  
  
Harm sighed. "We know what our feelings are, it's just...complicated."  
  
The chair started to get angry, and snapped at Harm. "That's your excuse for everything!!! "It's complicated", when are you going to realise that you can't go through life ignoring what is staring you in the face, because it's "complicated"?"  
  
Harm thought about it briefly, the chair did have a point. He just had one question, "But how am I going to do this?"  
  
It groaned, "Poor long-suffering me. Why can't anyone figure anything out for themselves, when they're practically spoon-fed? All you have to do is show her how you feel, and then ask her. IT'S THAT SIMPLE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!"  
  
Harm grinned. This thing was so funny when it was annoyed.  
  
Before he could say anything more, the chair started to speak very fast. "Advisers inc. will not be held responsible for any events or feelings that occur as a result of it's actions. There is a three-year warranty, however, if things start to go wrong." And with that, the chair returned to its normal state.  
  
* * *  
  
Harm woke up, with his head resting on his arms. He had had the strangest dream! (A/N: sorry about that line, but it had to be done!) While he was waking up, Mac peeked into his office and smiled.  
  
"Hey, you're awake! You must have been really tired, you fell asleep after we stopped working on the Johnson case."  
  
Harm looked at her, and grinned. "I had some really good dreams you know."  
  
*Fin*  
  
Yay!!! I finally finished another chapter.sorry I was so lazy!!! Anyway, as usual, I demand reviews! And then, I will continue with the next chapter! Au revoir, for now.... 


End file.
